See You Soon Samsara

It's weird how leaving in and of itself can bring back so many memories. Is it dejavu, samsara? The last time I left India, a man tried to cut me in the emigration line. The same thing happened again this time around. Things like this, although small in the grand scheme of things, do ultimately claim a part of your memory.

So, how do I leave a place where I have sewn so many roots for an entire year, made memories for an entire year? How do I say goodbye to place that has brought me so much life and joy but also so much confusion, doubt, pain?

The last time I left India, I left with tremendous love in my heart, for the country, the people, the spirituality. That love weighed on me so much that I simply wanted to go back.

This time, it felt a little different... Before, Indianisms and quirks used to make my stomach hurt with roars of laughter. This time around, I often felt defensive, vulnerable, and manipulated. I've learned that matter how long I reside in India, learn the local language, the customs, the status quo, I will always remain a foreigner. I am leaving India at the perfect time in my life, where my love for it still remains intact.

And for this, I owe India a big 'thank you'. Twice now, it has taught me how to question, observe, interpret, reflect, and live. Whether North or South, Hinduism, Christianity or Islam, paneer paratha or masala dosa, old or young, good smells or bad ones, dettoll clean or dirty, extreme heat or monsoons, goats or dogs or cows, cities or mountain villages, young or middle aged or sick or old, rich or very very very poor, India will always remain a land of contrasts. Despite how confusing these contrasts may be, even now, I leave India again feeling nothing but peace and love.

Dear India,
Thank you, danyevad, shukriya, and rumba nandri. For now, namaste, vannakam, goodbye.